Monday, September 12, 2011

Why Do We Do This?!?!

I am a seasoned pro at what I call moving the goal.

It goes like this...

set a goal

work hard, stumble, get up and try again, work harder

meet the goal!!!

think, "wait, but if I had THIS or THAT then it would be perfect...after all she has THIS and he has THAT".

See?

If we always move the goal then we are never able to relax and enjoy all of the good things we have accomplished. It's the easiest thing in the world to do and a sure way to be miserable (trust me, I know).

If only I could get published, then if only I could get a certain review then if only the bookstores clammored after it (instead of ignoring it completely) then if only... if only.... if only...

I was mired in that this morning when a pal reminded me that I was moving the goal.

thanks, pal.

Tell me I'm not alone in my insanity...

26 comments:

superpaige said...

I'm so far away from the goal, I couldn't tell if it moved or not.

Tess said...

oh man, you don't know how much I needed that giggle today.

Windy Aphayrath said...

*sigh* i am the queen of "if only"

Domey Malasarn said...

I feel like I move the goal about half the time and manage to be happy and not move the goal about half the time! I'm working on that 100%, but somehow I doubt that it will ever happen.

Tess said...

Windy ... sisters in that, we.

Domey: I'd say 50% is a pretty impressive stat. We just have to constantly recommit, right? (I'm talking mostly to myself here :/)

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Ah, you start moving it when you start comparing yourself to others. I have that problem, too. It's something I have to keep working on. You've come so far. Always be proud of where you are. :)

Martin Willoughby said...

Nope, you are not alone.

Stephanie said...

Add me to the club. I have a real problem with comparing myself to others...especially when I see poeple who once were behind me in the journey, or at the same point, surpass me and find successes that I have not yet. I can't help but ask "Why not me?" And question if I am really on the right path and if I'll ever get to a place where I am happy.

Tess said...

Glam: thanks, pal. it is a good reminder.

Martin: hooray! together in our insanity :o

Stephanie: exactly...and such a dangerous thing to do. the truth is, we will never get to that happy place if we compare. it is an impossible task.

Corey Schwartz said...

OMG, Tess, i htink this is exactly what I am goign through. I have had a rough year and I have been attributing it to mid-life crisis ( I hit 45 last January) but I think the problem is... I thought I was measuring up my years against my accomplishments, but I wasn't conscious that the goal was moving.

Help! I need a support group. Are you starting one? :)

Anna Staniszewski said...

Hm, this sounds familiar. I don't know why it's so hard to appreciate the things we have accomplished instead of focusing on the things we haven't. At least we're not alone in our neuroses. :-)

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

Yes, I've just moved my goal big time. I can hardly celebrate a recent milestone because I'm so focused on the next step, already. Thanks for the wake up call!

Amy

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Enjoy every moment of your writing adventure, Tess. Remember the before you got an agent and before you sold your first book feeling. Soon your awesome book will be arriving in my mailbox...

Robyn Campbell said...

You have done it, my friend. I can't wait to read that book of yours. Moving the goal? We all do it. Just remember where you were and where you are now. (((hugs)))

Tess said...

Corey: a support group - perfect! I would totally qualify as the prez...

Anna: no, always good to have company in our craziness ;)

Sharon: sage advice, friend. thank you.

Robyn: needed the hug. ((hugs back))

Tess said...

AL: we seem to be in the same spot. but, really, we are ahead of the game because we now recognize it and can say "no more!"

Mary Aalgaard, Play off the Page said...

Yes, I do this. I'm human. We have the potential of "What-iff-ing" ourselves into complete dispair. Celebrate each accomplishment, and work for the NEXT goal.

Tony Van Helsing said...

The grass isn't always greener.

lotusgirl said...

Moving the goal? You're human. Me too. I'm working on it. Maybe we can work on it together. I can't wait to get your book. I've already pre-ordered. It will just show up in my mailbox. Heehee.

Susan Fields said...

It's a good thing we love what we do, eh? Otherwise I can't imagine anyone sticking in it for the long haul. Enjoy the moment, Tess - this is your time!

Cynthia Chapman Willis said...

Oh, Tess, I am so with you on this! My goals (especially the writing and publishing ones) practically have wheels on them. I know it's best to focus on the achievements and the moments, but it's not easy. Not at all!

ali cross said...

I SO used to do that! I still slip back into it sometimes, but mostly, if I keep a detailed list of goals (small ones, building upon each other) it helps me avoid moving that goal!

Nichole Giles said...

Wow. That's a really great point. It's easy to look at our friends or acquaintances and think if only. But really, it's good to be happy where we are. Thanks!

dellgirl said...

My goal is so far removed, I've almost forgotten what it was...Grandmahood has given my life a whole new meaning.

Love this post, Tess. This was so me before Jace came along. I just came by to say hello.

Hope you have a super Weekend!

Weston Elliott said...

Have to tell you, I just loved this post! This is SO me! Hope it's okay, I added you to my list of fave reads on my writers blog. :) Had to - this one was too good to keep to myself!

Crystal said...

Hi Tess, just wanted to add my .02, and to say no, you aren't alone. Sadly, I think I've lost sight of the goal . . . I go to the library/bookstore and see so many well-written books and start thinking that my writing is really no where as good as THAT, and then I completely stop writing for long periods of time. I know I need to refocus, but the question is: HOW?