Then I came across this bit of brilliance in The New Yorker..it is by Jack Handy (of SNL fame) and it pretty much summed up my novel issues. NOTE that the original is much longer and I shortened it for this post.
THE PLAN by Jack Handy
The plan isn’t foolproof. For it to work, certain things must happen:
—The door to the vault must have accidentally been left open by the cleaning woman.
—The guard must bend over to tie his shoes and somehow he gets all the shoelaces tied together. He can’t get them apart, so he takes out his gun and shoots all his bullets at the knot. But he misses. Then he just lies down on the floor and goes to sleep.
—Most of the customers in the bank must happen to be wearing Nixon masks, so when we come in wearing our Nixon masks it doesn’t alarm anyone.
—The monkeys must grab the bags of money and not just shriek and go running all over the place, like they did in the practice run.
—The security cameras must be the early, old-timey kind that don’t actually take pictures.
—If somebody runs out of the bank and yells, “Help! The bank is being robbed!,” he must be a neighborhood crazy person who people just laugh at.
—Any fingerprints we leave must be erased by the monkeys.
—When we exit the bank, there must be a parade going by, so our getaway car, which is decorated to look like a float, can blend right in.
—At the rendezvous point, there must be an empty parking space with a meter that takes hundred-dollar bills.
—The robbery is blamed on the monkeys. ♦
15 comments:
I can imagine this plot working in certain types of middle grade novels! :) Hilarious! It wouldn't work so well, though, if you're going for realism.
I left something in once that should have been cut, and I think it killed the whole novel! I learned my lesson. :)
Amy
Amy: that would be one over the top novel! Man, it makes my bank robbery issues seem like a walk in the park - funny though and made me giggle.
Your comment has me curious...what was that something?
That kind of scene works brilliantly...in a farce or comedy. Otherwise, I'd drop it.
Okay pals...this wasn't really in my novel! it's a joke :D Yes, I did have to drop a bank robbery element to a certain degree because I couldn't make it work but I never went to Jack Handy lengths. Just to clarify so you know I haven't totally lost it...yet ;)
Hey, it could happen.
You know, right now I'm trying to think through some plot-related things for a new WIP and yeah, I go in pretty deep and right now I'm not sure what is going to work...hmmm....
LOL I just cracked right up reading that list :)
You know, I am so freaking stubborn that I usually never drop things. Even when I probably should. Instead, I suck hours and days away from my CPs while I bribe them into helping me brainstorm a solution. They just LOVE me ;-)
Oh, I've dropped tons of things. Even when they sort of did work. Whatever moves the story forward. That's how I roll these days. If it doesn't, it goes.
I think my background as a newspaper editor has helped me accept the need to be ruthless about making cuts. But Jack Handy is on to something -- a few random action scenes involving monkeys would be great for comic relief.
BTW, thanks for commenting on my interview with Patti Lee Gauch, Tess. I really enjoyed my conversations with her. How wonderful you had her as a mentor.
I love Jack Handy!
This is a hilarious list! I think I can use this to make more of my plans work out. I don't think I've ever given up on a scene that I wanted to have in a book because I didn't know how to write it. I just try my best.
That made me laugh! I think in the movies it really does work that way - everything is so convenient.
I have struggled to make something work before. Sometimes I can get it. Sometimes I have to let it drop. Usually, if I get to the dropping point, it's because I've screwed things up so badly I don't like anything any more. Those "bank robbery scenes" can be like a cancer that destroys everything around it too.
BUT - I always tuck it in a file to use in a later story. :)
That's great. Dare to write boldly, like that!
Jack Handy is awesomely cool, Tess old pal. Ahahahahahahaha
thanks for giggling along with me!
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