Thursday, October 8, 2009

Free Stuff Friday and Laugh-O-Rama

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I like jokes.

Clean ones that I can share with my kiddos.

They think I'm clever when I sit across from them at the breakfast table and say,

What does the sea monster eat for lunch?

blank stare as they pick up the syrup and tilt it over their steaming waffles

Fish and ships!

they try not to smile ... try not to admit I made them giggle at 6:45 am, but I see the twist in the corner of their mouth - just ever so slightly.

Those are my some of my favorite mommy moments.

So - today's Free Stuff Friday is a drawing for two $10 amazon.com gift certificates. I will run the contest through Sunday evening when I will draw two names at random.

What you have to do is leave a clean, kid friendly joke in the comment section. Hey - Halloween is just around the corner..maybe you can offer up a seasonal joke,

like -

why didn't the skeleton cross the road? he didn't have the guts!

or

What did the pirate say when he walked into the bar with a paper towel on his head? (best pirate voice here) Argh, I have a bounty on me head!

see what my family has to put up with? nerdy, goofy me.



Oh, well. Let the Laugh-O-Rama begin...

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35 comments:

Jennifer Shirk said...

**clears throat**

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?




SQUASH.

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all night. LOL!

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

In honor of Halloween and the vampire craze amongst the literary world...

Why did the vampire keep falling for the same joke?

Because he's a sucker! :)>

SJDuvall said...

Hehehe, following the vampire one:

Why is Dracula so unpopular?


Because he’s a pain in the neck!


It makes even me giggle! :-)

Solvang Sherrie said...

From my son:

What did the father buffalo say to his boy buffalo? Bi-son :)

PJ Hoover said...

OMG, these are great! The kids are asleep or I'd come up with one from them.

Cindy said...

Lol, so fun! Let's see--how about this because of the cold and Halloween?

What do you get when you mix a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite!

Te he he.

storyqueen said...

I cannot top any of these yet, but let me just say that I've had a rough couple of days, and for some reason, these silly jokes just hit the spot!

Thank you, Tess!

Kat O'Keeffe said...

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?



His ghoul friend!

Jeannie Campbell, LMFT said...

okay....mine of course has to do with vampires...i'm a bit obsessed...


Why did Dracula's mother have to give him cough medicine?



Because he was having a coffin fit. :)

Susan R. Mills said...

I'm loving these jokes, but I can't think of one to tell. What is wrong with me?

Sande said...

What is green and fuzzy and if falls out of a tree, it would kill you?

A pool table.

Lisa and Laura said...

So my kids are 2 and 4 and they LOVE telling jokes. Only problem is that it's the same joke and it doesn't make any sense.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange who?

Orange mommy.

I worry for them, I really do.

Corey Schwartz said...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Dwain.

Dwain who?

Dwain the bathtub I'm dwowning.

Wendy @ All in a Day's Thought said...

Argh. I've never been able to remember jokes. Oh well. Happy playing to the rest of you!
~ Wendy

Scott said...

Jokes + Kid Friendly = Scott's not gonna win this contest. : )

S

Tess said...

It's not a contest, Scott - just a drawing and a few giggles :)

Thanks for the great ones so far...this is going to be a smiley day :D It almost makes up for the dentist appt (crown, thank you) I have this morning.

Linda Kage said...

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

Suzanne said...

Tess writes jokes. MY Tess, that is. But they don't make sense. But they make me laugh... so I'll share one she wrote herself:

Why did the zombie cross the road?
Why?
To chase the people!

I know, I know.

MG Higgins said...

These are great! I don't have a thing to share, but you've sure made my morning a happy one! :D

Tamika: said...

I love these jokes! I just don't happy to be a super funny person, so forgive me. But thanks for the great laughs on this dreary Friday!

Can I borrow some of these...Hilarious.

Blessings to you!

lotusgirl said...

I love that you do these over breakfast. Here's one. Thanks to my son...
Q: Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks with them when they go out golfing?

A: In case they get a hole in one.

Amy Allgeyer Cook said...

What movies to pirates like?

Movies rated 'arrrr'.

:)

Tess said...

hehehehehhehe....very cute. I'll tuck these away and divy them out slowly over the next month. My kids'll think I'm great :)

And, I'll add another one to the pot:

what do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?

a fur coat that fangs around your neck.

Sharon Mayhew said...

Great post, sadly I already told you my only joke. Have a great weekend!

Cindy said...

Lol, just had to come back and check out all the other jokes. So funny! My daughter would love some of these.

L.T. Elliot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
L.T. Elliot said...

Oh, I didn't see your comment. Sorry. Here's a different one.

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying on their brooms?

With Scare Spray.

Solvang Sherrie said...

My daughter had to add one because she's totally jealous that her brother might win a prize :D So here's her joke:

What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish!

Jill Kemerer said...

I've massacred every joke I've ever tried to tell, so I'll spare you the horror. It's genetic. Seriously.

Thanks for the laughs!!

Anita said...

I'll be printing this out to share at dinner. Thanks!!!

superpaige said...

Oh, you know I am ALL over the joke thing. Here's my favorite one right now..

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure didn't!"

superpaige said...

Oh, and here's another one that really made me laugh...

Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

superpaige said...

And since you have combined two of my FAVORITE things, jokes and contests, I just have to throw in another.

Two guys took a shortcut through the cemetery. Soon they
heard, “TAP-TAP-TAP” coming from the shadows.
Trembling with fear, they saw an old man with a hammer and chisel,
chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow Mister,” one said. “You SCARED us half to death.
We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing working here so late at
night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"

Jeannie Campbell, LMFT said...

hey tess...left you a blog award over at my blog today!

jeannie
Where Romance Meets Therapy

superpaige said...

Ok, one more.

knock, knock,

Who's there?

Figs

Figs who?

Figs the doorbell, it's broken.